My first entry! Go me :]
Mothers- My mother is...difficult, to say the least. Her and I get into it on a regular basis, but only sometimes does it get really bad[really bad, meaing I cry]. She has MS and as much as I know she can't control some of her emotions or herself physically, I still can't help but get angry. I know she's upset, being a very proud woman and having this thing take her down, but I also would like her to understand that she doesn't have to do this alone, that I'm here for her. Unfortunately, she looks at my little brother, who could careless that she's sick, and sees me. I feel like she thinks that I don't care, when I do everything I can to make life a little easier for her. Cleaning... I clean on regular basis. And my step dad just ignores it all together. Its screaming everyone in the face and I'm the one running into the big pink elephant in the room when my mom gets up to walk into the kitchen and she can't.
Boyfriends- Boys in general just suck. Everyone knows that, but we love them anyway. Only because they're ridiculously cute, smell good[usually] and hold us tight, make us feel safe. But I fear that they think because they can make us swoon, they can get away with a bunch of shit. I am currently in the "its complicated" stage. A boy that I've loved and been off and one for four years. He is the only person I have ever considered spending the rest of my life with. He's dropped out of high school, smokes, does drugs sometimes and just kinda tries to make it in life. But now we've hit with this wave of him going back to Canada[where he's from] and kinda never coming back. But alas! Another plot twist. If he gets his GED, his mother may let him come back and go to a local small college here. Therefore, my heart is put into this taffy puller. Should I move on? Now that I've been given this tiny bit of hope, should I wait for him, or at least try too. Confusing as it is in my mind, I know that I would drop everything in my life he were to come back, just to be with him. Sad, but love.
Friends- Hm. This is a weird topic right now. My best friend has gotten her first real boyfriend, a man ten years older than her, and a new set of friends that she constantly sees because she works with. Meanwhile, kicking my to the curb and letting go. I feel like she thinks she may be all that and a bag of chips because of her boyfriend and her new relationship...first relationship. Which just sucks. Its been a while since she's asked about me and my boy, its like she doesn't really care that I cry over him, and its not like she doesn't kno the situation. Hm, I guess karma will just have to deal with this one. I have other friends that have stood by me through it all, but she was there from the beginning. I guess we'll talk later today, if its just me and her when we hang out. If not, my ass is leaving.
Me-I, without a doubt, love myself. I love everything about me. I love how I react, how I think. But at the same time I hate it all. It's an odd position to be put in, but hey it's how I feel yknow? I suppose putting my feelings and such aside for other people will just be the way that I am. Sometimes it becomes too much and I have to vent, but until that time comes, I'll be all right.
Well, I guess this is the end to my first blog..yep.
LoveLoveLove.
Mothers- My mother is...difficult, to say the least. Her and I get into it on a regular basis, but only sometimes does it get really bad[really bad, meaing I cry]. She has MS and as much as I know she can't control some of her emotions or herself physically, I still can't help but get angry. I know she's upset, being a very proud woman and having this thing take her down, but I also would like her to understand that she doesn't have to do this alone, that I'm here for her. Unfortunately, she looks at my little brother, who could careless that she's sick, and sees me. I feel like she thinks that I don't care, when I do everything I can to make life a little easier for her. Cleaning... I clean on regular basis. And my step dad just ignores it all together. Its screaming everyone in the face and I'm the one running into the big pink elephant in the room when my mom gets up to walk into the kitchen and she can't.
Boyfriends- Boys in general just suck. Everyone knows that, but we love them anyway. Only because they're ridiculously cute, smell good[usually] and hold us tight, make us feel safe. But I fear that they think because they can make us swoon, they can get away with a bunch of shit. I am currently in the "its complicated" stage. A boy that I've loved and been off and one for four years. He is the only person I have ever considered spending the rest of my life with. He's dropped out of high school, smokes, does drugs sometimes and just kinda tries to make it in life. But now we've hit with this wave of him going back to Canada[where he's from] and kinda never coming back. But alas! Another plot twist. If he gets his GED, his mother may let him come back and go to a local small college here. Therefore, my heart is put into this taffy puller. Should I move on? Now that I've been given this tiny bit of hope, should I wait for him, or at least try too. Confusing as it is in my mind, I know that I would drop everything in my life he were to come back, just to be with him. Sad, but love.
Friends- Hm. This is a weird topic right now. My best friend has gotten her first real boyfriend, a man ten years older than her, and a new set of friends that she constantly sees because she works with. Meanwhile, kicking my to the curb and letting go. I feel like she thinks she may be all that and a bag of chips because of her boyfriend and her new relationship...first relationship. Which just sucks. Its been a while since she's asked about me and my boy, its like she doesn't really care that I cry over him, and its not like she doesn't kno the situation. Hm, I guess karma will just have to deal with this one. I have other friends that have stood by me through it all, but she was there from the beginning. I guess we'll talk later today, if its just me and her when we hang out. If not, my ass is leaving.
Me-I, without a doubt, love myself. I love everything about me. I love how I react, how I think. But at the same time I hate it all. It's an odd position to be put in, but hey it's how I feel yknow? I suppose putting my feelings and such aside for other people will just be the way that I am. Sometimes it becomes too much and I have to vent, but until that time comes, I'll be all right.
Well, I guess this is the end to my first blog..yep.
LoveLoveLove.
